This morning, I congratulated a good friend of mine who celebrated her wedding anniversary. She responded to me, said that she’s been married for 4 years, but with no kids. It’s a pressure, she said. I thought it was social pressure, which is very common to happen in Indonesia, or mostly in Asia and in any traditional society. Traditional society most likely views marriage as a gateway to family-building, not merely a holy unity between a man and a woman.
Oops, after I said to her it is common to face social pressure, she told me thankfully she has never received such conduct.
It is her biological clock that gives pressure.
They have tried many times to no avail; which should be the pregnancy positive result. She has always counted her fertile days, month after month, for years.
I told her she should take it easy. Make love, not war. Do it with no pressure. Think about those young love birds who bravely decide to do it, without thinking the consequence, then…boom, a shot gun wedding it is, or even without a gunshot, a ‘premature birth’ of first child would come shortly after the wedding.
I did not say those words in such a frank way, though. I did not want to hurt her feeling, or give more pressure to her. Imagine she would then have a new pressure; now not counting the fertile days, but trying to act like a teenager in love who would do it with no deep thought. I did not want her to say to me, ‘Easy for you, you have two boys’.
It is definitely a pressure when you are doing something that you have set a definite goal and deadline. Not just for having kids. This could happen to any of us in any circumstance. Think about our school days when final exam is just around the corner and our parents, or in tougher case, the scholarship board, await for our grades to determine the next action. Think about the final thesis deadline and the oral presentation exam which dates are set. Think about the deadline given by our boss at work or client who wants us to submit the proposal by a certain date.
“A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.”
Bruce Lee once said the above words. Definitely true. It is our effort that counts. It is the process that means a lot. The world will see how hard we have tried. The goal would be a bonus. If in the end, we do not get what we have dreamed of, it will not be a bad idea to set a new goal, to have a new dream.
I told my friend who celebrates her anniversary to always keep the romance alive. Wasn’t that the reason we all got married at the first place, because of the passionate romance? Enjoy the ‘no children’ life while you can. Make love with the person we love. The ‘Invisible Hand’ will do the rest.
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