Rants from the bottom of my heart

"Am I wasting my brain? I have a master degree in health economics, but I am not active in that field since the past 6 months. I want to do more research to develop health financing and insurance in Indonesia. I want to give lectures on health economics for public health, economics and medical students. The school where I had taught before my departure for the U.S. rejected me for a childish reason. I was being polite enough, riding motorbike 30km away to show up my face and report that I have completed my graduate study and ready to serve the university. The Head said I was too busy doing research and would have no time to give lectures. Ain't he kidding or what? Academicians are dedicated to do research and give lectures simultaneously in order to enrich the field and themselves. Apparently, the Head's hated my father too much. My father is a professor in public health. I don't know the details how and why the feeling grew that deep and affected the Head's professional assessment for the sake of the university's development...and for the country!!! So, could I just do private research? Actually I could, but I was not properly paid. Hey, human is a rational creature and sure I would need incentives to act. I could go to Jakarta and work for a multinational or international agency. So, why didn't I go? I could not put work above family as I am married and have two kids. Jakarta is not a healthy city to have a family. A friend of mine, from a state university in East Indonesia said that my expertise is very much needed by my country. Yes, I know that! But I could not do pro-bono works. We cannot afford single income to pay our bills and mortgages. In my deep heart, I felt that I am betraying my country and my scholarship provider as I am not fulfilling my promises. I TRIED!!! I stayed as a full time researcher for two years upon my return from ATL. Besides getting my articles published in several national journals, invited to speak in seminars... I got not much in return. Am I being too materialistic? Heck, tell me I am not. Who could survive as a volunteer in the rising price of fuel and all commodities? I promise to myself, I dedicate some of my time to assist the development of Bali social health insurance scheme which I have been doing since mid 2006. I will also develop a research and training agency, of MY OWN, one day!!! For the time being, a fellow scholarship recipient has been kind enough to obtain my CV and promised to get projects for me as a trainer or consultant. Now, I am committed to develop my company and gain maximum profit. In that way I will have extra time to do health economics (and other public) projects where I can pay my dues to my country!"